Children's Paid Work

Dear Tony
I tried to write the academic version of writing (Academic and General Training Task 2 IELTS essays are on the same basis - TB) , and I am ready to accept any outcome. Undoubtedly, every comment you are going to make will be of great benefit. I am trying hard, and I consider the few days left from this course to be very precious and I have to invest in them until the final moment.

Good for you Hanan! That is the spirit!

See my version below. Edits are in purple (i.e. re-written by me), while mistakes for you to correct are in red.

Tony
Friday evening

Now I will go to the Topic,

It is very common in poor developping country to meet children under fifteen year of age engaged in many kind of work, such as miners, lefting heavy weights, going to factories,this really raise many ideas in my mind, and make me stand to the side of Diagreement of this issue.

Poverty, and the need for financial support for the family, is behind the majority of their work. Also education is considered for them as a long process to start earning moeny. In addition we should be aware of the black market's role for providing the cheap manpower. I Totally disagree with the idea of engaging children in paid work for many reasons, first comes the child
safety, because he is not enough mature to deal with machinary work. Second reason is the child abuse as long hours duties, or exposing to toxic materials, and in addition comes the behaviours of the adults co-workers, such as encouraging them towards drugs and crimes as well.

Also a child should know how to be responsible, and know the value of moeny, so it is a good idea if a child can get engaged in some paid or unpaid work with the family or relatives during hoidays. Now I understand why my father sent my old brother to work during the holiday with my uncle in his restaurant, although we were not poor family.

In conclusion, a child deprived from education is a step back for the nation, because the development of the nation is dependant on an educated generation to give a quality, and high standard work. I consider their work is against the human rights. Governments should take an action to provide proper education available for every child, also confront the black market, and be very strict to face any violation.

Hanan

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It is very common in poor developing country to meet children under fifteen years of age engaged in many kinds of work, such as miners, lifting heavy weights and going to factories. This issue concerns me deeply and leads me to strongly disagree with the practice of children working for money.

Poverty, and the need for financial support for the family, is behind the majority of such children working. Also education is considered for them as a long process to start earning moeny (S). In addition, we should be aware of the black market's role in providing cheap manpower. I totally disagree with the idea of engaging children in paid work for many reasons. The first reason is because of child safety, as he is not mature enough to deal with machine-based work. The second reason is the child abuse from the long duty hours, or the exposure to toxic materials. In addition comes the behaviour of the adult co-workers, such as encouraging them towards drugs and criminal activities.

Furthermore, a child should know how to be responsible, and know the value of moeny, so it is a good idea if a child can get engaged in some paid or unpaid work with the family or relatives during hoidays. Now I understand why my father sent my old (WC) brother to work during the holiday with my uncle in his restaurant, although we were not a poor family.

In conclusion, I contend that a child deprived of education is a step backwards for any nation, because the development of a nation is dependant on an educated generation to give a quality, high standard work. I consider that child labour is against human rights. Governments should take action to provide a proper education for every child, while also confronting the black market, and being very strict to face any violation.

Thanks Hanan! Remember the essay was about children doing paid work - this includes teenagers doing part-time work while continuing their education - you mentioned that your brother worked during the holidays in a restaurant.

Well done for using the four paragraph format - in paragraph three you contradicted yourself and suggested that children CAN benefit from doing paid work. The secret, and by now you must realise that this is what I demand, is to define the essay topic in YOUR terms in the opening paragraph. Your POSITION statement in this opening paragraph will spell out HOW you are going to answer this question.

Everybody else - feel free to answer any of the 69 arguments that I gave you during the week.

How about Aisha's writing and my three model essays?

Shaima, you were in such a hurry to dash off on Wednesday that you did not take the handouts which had the model answers you had requested! Doh!

For the IELTS exam day, switch that mobile off! You do NOT want any distractions and family know where you are, work can manage without you and you must be totally focussed on this extremely challenging set of tests. Should a problem arise for you, God forbid, in the big world outside the IELTS examination hall, there is nothing that you can do about it while fighting the IELTS monster for those critical hours. You know it makes sense!

The Oracle has spoken! Ignore the Oracle at your peril!

TB