Maryam kindly posted this essay last month, but unfortunately I did not have time to look at it in the hectic last week of the course. So, here is Maryam's text and my edited version below, blue / red italics are the corrections / improvements that I have made:
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Task 2 essay writing
Dear Tony,
I did an extra task 2 essay writing. I took the following question from the book Insight into IELTS:
The age of Information Technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While it has become a way of life for some , others know very little about it and may be unlikely to learn. Eventually we will have have a polarised society and this will lead to serious social problems.
I agree that we will face a divided society as a result of Information Technology. Some people have excepted this technology with open arms and some have not. But I do not think that this will lead to any significant social issues.
I would like to use computers as an example to justify my belief. There are millions of people who have accepted this machine into their daily lives. Whereas there are equally the same number of people who do not appreciate this equipment and do not use it at all. And there are some who do not have the knowledge to work with a computer. It is usually the elderly people who fall in this category. They are not familiar with its working and therefore do not like using it. This is mostly because when they were growing up computers were not widely available to the public as they are now. They were only used by certain people mostly for research purposes. Computing was not even a subject at schools back then, therefore the generation before us grew up not learning about computers.
On the other hand, nowadays, majority of the population own a personal computer or a laptop were they can have access to Internet at all times. Information Technology has opened doors for many people and has made many things possible. People use computers together with Internet for all sorts of everyday activities from shopping to sending emails to people across the world in matter of seconds. It is also widely used at work place for many daily business activities. Many believe that their work has been made easier by the computer and that time can be saved and be put into other useful tasks. Whereas there are some who argue that many jobs have been lost because of the Information Technology.
I conclude, that ultimately we will have two groups of people, the ones who welcome Information Technology and appreciate its contribution to the society and others who are not so fond of it. But in my opinion I do not think that this divided society with their different views on the matter will face any serious social problems. I believe the older generation who are not so keen on this machine will always consider themselves old fashioned and will not make use of the advantages of this modern technology. On the other hand the younger generation will enjoy the era of Information Technology to its fullest.
The age of Information Technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While it has become a way of life for some , others know very little about it and may be unlikely to learn. Eventually we will have have a polarised society and this will lead to serious social problems.
I agree that we will face a divided society as a result of Information Technology. Some people have accepted this technology with open arms and others have not. In this essay I will argue that that this IT 'revolution' will not lead to any significant social divisions.
I would like to use computers as an example to justify my belief. There are millions of people who have embraced this machine as part of their daily lives. Whereas there are equally the same number of people who do not appreciate this equipment and do not use it at all. At the same time, there are those who do not have the knowledge to use a computer. It is usually the older generation who fall into this category. They are not familiar with its working and therefore do not like using it. This is mostly because when they were growing up computers were not as widely available to the public as they are now. They were only used by certain people mostly for research purposes. Computing was not even a subject at schools back then, therefore the generation before us grew up not familiar with computers.
On the other hand, nowadays, the majority of the population in the developed world own a personal computer or a laptop where they can have access to the Internet at all times. Information Technology has opened doors for many people and has made all kinds of applications possible. People use computers together with the Internet for all sorts of everyday activities from shopping to sending emails to people across the world in a matter of seconds. It is also widely used in the work place for many daily business activities. Many believe that their work has been made easier by the computer and that time can be saved and be put to other more useful tasks. Whereas there are some who argue that many jobs have been lost because of the Information Technology.
I conclude that ultimately we will have two groups of people, the ones who welcome Information Technology and appreciate its contribution to the society and those who are not so fond of it. But in my opinion I do not think that this creates a divided society with serious social problems. I am convinced that the older generation, who are not so keen on new technology, will always consider themselves old-fashioned and will not perhaps make enough use of the advantages of this modern technology. On the other hand, the younger generation will enjoy the era of Information Technology to its fullest.
A very sensible, balanced essay - well up to the 'good' standard that everyone is aiming for. Your writing improved still further in that last week of the course, Maryam. Your ideas are mature and well-thought out. You organise yourr essay in the classic four paragraph model. In this essay you needed to make your position even clearer in the introduction - I remember that you addressed this fault in your subsequent essays.
Super work and all the best for the 24th!
Best regards
Tony
16 February 2007 (better late than never!)
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